It Ain’t Going In THIS Mouth!

In all honesty, I think I may be a Foodie-Poser. Through media accounts and various forms of information, “foodies” are depicted as individuals with a high acceptance of all types of gastronomy. And although they may not have a certain affinity towards a particular dish, they will still appreciate its beauty, consume it, and discuss its finer points.

And that’s where this Foodie-Wanna-Be draws the line.

There are certain foods I just can’t get down with. Ironically enough, many of them are items that “Foodies” wholly praise and can be found on acclaimed eateries around the world. Just goes to show that this gal can’t be swayed by peer pressure. 🙂

In my defense, other than how something tastes, I have narrowed the rationale down to two factors. The first is that I have a real problem with texture.  If something possesses a consistency that is unappetizing to me, it’s over. No matter how “tasty” it may be, I can never get over the feeling of it in my mouth. The second issue is purely psychological. If I visually see something that my mind registers as “BLEH!”, there is no way that I can get over the hurdle no matter how hard I try. As soon as I put it in my mouth, my gag reflexes instantly kick in and it’s all over from there.

So in light of this, I’ve created my Top 10 “It Ain’t Going In THIS Mouth” List. Sure, maybe in 50 years I may change my mind. But until then, I stand firm in my food-discriminations. And yes, many items on this list are quite ingrained into the food culture of my Vietnamese Heritage. Eh, it’s not a self hate thing….just a Gastronomy Preference. Hey-at least I’m being honest. 🙂

In no discerning order, they are:

1. Cottage Cheese

This is COMPLETELY a texture thing because if memory serves me correct, Cottage Cheese doesn’t really have a taste. But it’s the LUMPS that trigger a sense of curdled milk. And not in a good way.

2. Blood Sausage

All kinds of meat, mixed with blood (pork or beef) and shaped into a sausage link. The spongy consistency, and yes, the images of blood are “no bueno” for me. Incidentally, I can’t eat coagulated blood cubes (we call it “huyet” in Vietnamese) either.

3. Bitter Melon

The name says it all. It’s VERY bitter. Vietnamese use it often in stir-frys but my Mom used to stuff them with ground meat to make a soup. Needless to say, I never acquired a taste for it.

4. Head Cheese

Nope, not the yummy dairy stuff. But instead, you’ll find parts of meat pieces from the head of a calf or pig that has been flavored with spices and shaped into a loaf or sausage form. Often times, it will have a gelatinous layer to hold the items together. Gelatinous. Even the word is unappealing.

5. Durian

A spiny fruit found in the tropics of Asia, Durian can be smelled MILES away! They often won’t even let you bring Durian into hotels in Asia. That speaks volume in itself.

6. Squash

Yes, some think this is somewhat odd that I don’t like squash—particularly since there are so many varieties and flavors. I blame this on being traumatized as a kid when we used to have to eat kubocha squash that had been pureed and scooped over a bowl of rice. For a 5 year old, it was like a death sentence and I haven’t been able to recover since.

7. Fetal Duck Egg

This is COMPETELY psychological because I haven’t even tried a Fetal Duck Egg before. In Vietnamese, we refer to it as Hot Vit Lon and the Filipinos call it Balut. And although it’s served with all different types of aromatics, there is still a little baby duck inside with a partially formed skeleton that maybe crunchy when I bite into it. Then it’s not only a psychological thing but also a texture thing. Either way, I can’t do it 😦

8. Oatmeal

I call it “goatmeal”. Yes, the gloopy texture is the turn off point for me. But I can enjoy it as an ingredient such as in an Oatmeal Raisin Cookie. Now those are tasty.

9. Offal

From my understanding, there is no EXACT definition of what Offal is. Depending on where in the world you may be and who you are, this can change.  But for all intense purposes (and for my tastes), Offal are all the parts of an animal that are often called “innards”. They can include the sweet breads, lungs, intestines, heart, and all other types of entrails and internal organs. The closest this gal can get to Offal is Foie Gras or Pate in my Banh Mi.

And lastly…

10. Brussel Sprouts

I join millions of kids across the country in a united BLEH to Brussel Sprouts. Bitter, bitter, bitter.

I hope I haven’t offended you if you like any of the aforementioned items. And if you do enjoy them, don’t worry, I’ll still like you 🙂   I can only imagine how many refined palettes must turn in disgust when I exclaim that I love McDonald’s “Chicken” Nuggets and Mexican Pizzas from Taco Bell. 🙂